This week is a bittersweet week for me. For the last couple days I have been having extreme pain in my hip flexers and lower back. On Saturday morning poor AA woke up at 6:00am to me grimacing in pain because I couldn't turn over because my lower back had seized up. Hmmm not good. But because he is amazing he shot straight out of bed, literally picked me up to turn me over and got me some pain meds. Isn't he a hunka hunka burning love? (PS...we celebrate two years of amazing marriage on Monday! WOW!)
He was off to finish a project we was doing for some friends, so I laid there for a while trying to figure out how to get up. Once I was vertical I felt great! Getting vertical took a while and trust me people it was not a pretty sight.
I put a heating pad on my back for about a hour while I watched the news and HGTV (my fav new channel) and then decided I needed to do something with my day. I figured that since I felt good while I was vertical I would stay that way for a while. I put on my running shoes (stop rolling your eyes!) and headed to the gym. I could at least try to walk. Once I got there, and peeled myself out of the car I felt good (again that vertical thing). I ran for an hour and felt really really good. However, the minute I sat down to stretch the fear of not knowing how to get up sank in. "Excuse me nice sweating lady, will you please pick up my 6'0'' tall frame and push and pull me into a vertical position?" Yea that was not going to fly. I used every once of arm strength I had (have you seen my guns? Yea what guns is right!) and got myself up. AA thought I was crazy to run, but when I run, is actually when I feel best these days.
So for now I am scheduling a massage appointment and will chat with doctor when I see her on May 31 for an INR check. If it's not one thing it's the other right?
Here is the good news! Jesus has been working HARD on my heart these days. Normally I would feel super anxious about these things, but I don't feel that these days. There has been a lot of things to feel stressed about, but Jesus continues to remind me that worrying and fear is not of the Lord. Last Sunday our pastor urged us to give something to God that was holding us back to reflecting His glory. He wasn't talking about giving up ice cream or couch sitting (THANK GOODNESS!) but rather give up something that you feel, like anxiety, bitterness, ect.
And if he was reading my mind, he told us what a hard concept that can be to grasp. Just to give God something that is so a part of who you are. I wish I was a superhuman that I could do that, but I can't. And everyone who knows me, knows I am an anxious person. And as sinful and nasty that that is, it is really hard for me to grasp just giving that up, like it would be easy to do so. So he mentioned "leasing it to God" for a week, 10 days, whatever you could wrap your mind around, and to see the work God would do.
So this week I am leasing God my anxious heart, knowing with 100% confidence the great power the Lord has and how this will transform my heart and life for more then just a week. The week is just something, I can wrap my mind around.
Is there something you have been struggling with that doesn't allow Christ to shine through you? Is the Lord calling you to give something up or "lease it". I would love to hear it so I can pray for you! Will you pray for my heart when you think of it?
Thanks. Love you!