Tuesday, June 22, 2010

The unknown

Just to keep you updated....last night when AA got home we were having dinner and he asked if I wanted to drive the race route after dinner. I knew that I had to do it sooner then later and figured if I were going to do it and I wanted to do it with him. I asked him how he was going to know where to go...he ran to his brief case and pulled out a larger then life map he printed out as well as instructions, what roads were going to be closed and where medical, GU, water and porta potties were going to be. I love that man. So as we piled into the car he asked why I had been so quiet all night? Me of course, having WAY to much pride told him I wasn't being too quiet. Ha! Him and I both knew that it was a lie. As we pulled off the freeway and drove towards where the start line would be, he told me that right over there is where I would start. I didn't say anything back and as he looked over he knew why. I was in hysterical crying mode. I mean the ugly cry people. He asked what I was crying over and I shot it straight...that I was scared out of my mind.

And as soon as it came out I knew what was coming next..."what are you scared for?" I guess I don't know what I am scared for....well yes I do...the unknown. Welcome to my life. I am more scared of the unknown then anyone I know. I am not one of those people that just jump two feet into things without knowing every little detail. And yes I do know this is extremely annoying for everyone around me, I am sorry. 26.2 miles is unknown, Tukwilla to Seattle to north Seattle and back...running...is unknown.

If I have ever needed God more it is when satan has tried to paralyze me with fear because of the unknown. It is a constant battle I have. And I do know that it is more a spiritual battle then anything else. I must rely on God for all things unknown, because He already knows. How simple that is to say, and how hard that is to live. Every morning I have been asking God to take away my anxiety and fill my with joy. I need to make sure I am doing this more then just the week before my first marathon.

Again, yet another great lesson I have learned on this journey to a finish line...

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